Life is filled with difficult discussions. We are often faced with speaking to loved ones about unpleasant and uncomfortable topics. One of the most difficult is end-of-life planning for your aging parents. Nobody likes to face their mortality, and having this talk with your parents can be one of the most difficult things you have ever done. These are the folks who gave you life and raised you, and in some ways you now have to take on the parental role of caregiver. Still, having this discussion is very important, since it will affect many different things. An experienced estate planning attorney can help you with this, providing you with the information and options for you and your aging parents, so you can make an informed decision together.
How Should I Approach This Discussion?
There is no perfect way to do this. No one enjoys discussing the end of his or her life. However, the old saying about those who don’t prepare for the future, live to regret it is very fitting. Try to pick a time and place when you are alone with your parents. If you have siblings, then you may want to include them as well. Still, it is important that you make sure your parents do not feel like they are being ambushed. This is why it is important to always validate their emotions, and to use open-ended questions so you find out their wishes so you can follow what they want. Keep in mind that this is a process, and may involve a number of discussions and even meetings with your family’s attorney.
What Should I Discuss Regarding Healthcare?
One thing to keep in mind is that we all don’t age at the same pace or in the same way. Some of us may need long-term care, whether through a home health agency, an assisted living facility or a skilled nursing facility. You should also keep in mind that one parent may not need care, and could be the primary caregiver if the other becomes ill. The decisions will involve a number of other factors, such as their present living situation, financial wherewithal, and whether they have long-term care insurance or other coverage to pay for assistance.
One of the most sensitive subjects to discuss is end-of-life decisions. Some people do not want any heroic measures taken on their behalf, especially if it will leave them permanently incapable of caring for themselves afterwards. If this is the case, then your attorney can prepare a Living Will that provides a DNR or “do not resuscitate” for one or both of your parents. You may also want your attorney to prepare a medical power of attorney that will empower you, one of your siblings, or another person to make medical decisions on behalf of your parents if they become incapacitated. This is vitally important if you have only one surviving parent, since you will be unable to direct a hospital or other healthcare practitioner without one.
How Should I Handle the Funeral?
Funerals can be surprisingly costly. This is because in most cases, you will need to also secure a plot at a local cemetery, along with a headstone or other marker. Part of planning for a funeral involves the cost and how to cover the expenses.
You will also need to find out how your parents want this to be handled. Some people choose cremation, which can have its own planning issues. If your parents want the funerals to be conducted in accordance with their faith, this will have to be addressed as well. Religions like Islam, Hinduism, and Judaism have specific rules regarding funerals. Even though they will no longer be around, you are going to have some peace of mind if you follow your parents’ wishes with respect to their funerals.
How Do I Handle Their Estate?
Another area that you will need to discuss is how to handle their estate. You may find out that they have already addressed this, either by preparing a last will and testament or by setting up a living trust. However, if your elderly parents have not dealt with this, then you are going to need to discuss this with them.
In most cases, if one parent predeceases the other, the estate will pass to the surviving parent. However, you are going to want to find out how they wish to handle the remainder of the estate. Some parents want the assets to pass to you and your siblings in equal shares, while others may also wish to provide for other relatives, like grandchildren. In some cases, your parents could want at least a portion of their assets to go to their favorite charities. You will need to discuss this with them, find out their wishes, and have an experienced estate planning attorney draft the documents necessary to make this happen.
We Can Help Your Elderly Parents With All of Their End-Of-Life Needs
While discussing these matters with your parents may be very emotional, it is a necessary step to take in order to make sure their needs are met and their wishes fulfilled. The experienced estate planning attorneys at Jones Gregg Creehan & Gerace, LLP, are here to assist you and your parents with all of your needs. Contact us today.